"What's wrong with you? Don't be such a *bleep*!" Yeah, that's the fear. The judgment and revocation of the man card. Depending on the social environment, this can spell disaster for some men. Even when the risk isn't aligned with reality, the fear of uncertainty of how others will react can be paralyzing at times. Sure, people say they will be supportive, but a close look at day-to-day interactions in social media and real life will quickly reveal the numerous ways we discourage men from opening up. The snag is, though, letting other people's perceptions and expectations drive our decisions, doesn't always lead to the best outcome for our own wellbeing. With men, particularly those with prior military and first responder experience, committing suicide at higher, we just how serious of a decision this is.
Now there are many factors that play into this and need to ultimately be addressed, but for now I'm just going to focus on personal perspective. Without internal change within the individual, it can be difficult to establish the external change of the group. How we define and understand our emotions and struggles, can dramatically impact what avenues we pursue for a solution.
So here are 5 metaphors about mental health to consider.
Cars. As a teenager we can't wait to have a car. What fun it will be, plus all of the independence. But as adults, we understand the costs associated with car ownership and maintenance. Some cars require more than others or have specialty parts, but all require care. If we fail to keep up with maintenance, we may soon find our transmission eroded, engine overheating, or our tires blown out from balding.
Car maintenance knowledge doesn't come naturally. Sometimes we seek it proactively, while other lessons are learned after failure to heed the warning lights. Our mental health care is no different. We require self-care and maintenance. Often we can do the work ourselves, particularly if we've already developed good knowledge and skills, but sometimes we just need to take to a professional.
Fitness. Whether you are going for the gains or the losses, fitness takes hard work and discipline. You can't expect to show up at the gym one day and lift like an Olympic champion. That grind takes time. Now a days there is a ton of free information on the internet that is eager to tell us about the hot new thing in regard to exercise and diet. But with fitness we ultimately learn there are no shortcuts. Working with your doctor, a nutritionist, or professional trainer, can help you move through the process faster. Often those with coaches reach their goals faster, safer, and with greater confidence in their ability to move forward independently. A therapist can also work with you to coach you in pursuit of your goals and maneuver past common traps that keep people stuck at the starting line.
The Hero's Journey for Movie and Book Buffs. Perhaps you remember learning about the structure of the Hero's Journey in school, or maybe even just observed the repeating pattern of events in most action films. Typically, after receiving a call to action, the protagonist hero sets out on his adventure only to encounter a series of trials and tribulations.
Although they ultimately conquer the villain or challenge, a closer look reveals they do not do so alone. Instead, there are helpers and advisors that support the hero along his adventure. These characters have gone by many names- Professor X, Obi Wan Kenobi, Dumbledore, Gandolf, Nick Fury, and so on. There are many people who can fill these roles within our lives (e.g., parents, coaches, bosses, mentors). Therapists can help you spot the traps and overcome life's hurdles as you embark on your own journey of greatness.
Teams. Within a team each person has their position and, thereby, a role to fill. When skill in one's role and communication with teammates is strong, the team plays well. It's no guarantee that they will win, but the team cohesion helps buffer those losses and create lessons learned.
But when one member is injured, struggling with skills, acting as other position, or failing to communicate, the team's ability to play quickly crumble. Each member of a family has needs and can struggle sometimes, leading the dynamics of the home to become unstable. A coach can work with the individual and the team to improve skills and communication.
The Sheep Dog for First Responders. You may already be familiar with the saying comparing public safety folks to sheep dogs due to their capable a violence in protection of the flock. It is said that the sheep will often not appreciate these qualities of the dog until they're in the presence of a wolf.
This is a great image for understanding the dual duties often felt by military and first responders, but it is also an incomplete picture. Sheep dogs are not merely stray dogs searching out a flock to guard, they are a member of the overall farm. They are not solitary creatures but rather bond with the flock. The farmer cares for the sheep dog, ensuring that its needs for food and safety are also met. Guidance and training from the farmer help the sheep dog learn its boundaries and use its strengths to thrive on the farm.
The overall point with these metaphors is that there is no need to go through life totally alone. In fact, as these metaphors suggest, it is quite natural to periodically have teachers or mentors to guide us in our quest or purpose. Therapy is one such avenue for this. Sure, the most emotionally open therapist may not be the right fit for you, but luckily therapists come in all styles. Directories like Psychology Today or Mental Health Match can help you get an overview of a therapist before reaching out to them.
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